Staying friends with the ex....when it's not even your ex.

Q: So, one of my best girlfriends had this sort of on-and-off relationship with one of our mutual guy friends for about six months. They split for good about a month ago, maybe not on the best terms, but they're still cordial. Him and I are still friends (though I'm in a relationship), and sometimes we still hang out -- just as friends, of course! -- when we're out partying. My girlfriend says she doesn't like it when I hang out with this guy, although he was MY friend first and I told her a long time ago that if she dated him, she has to know that I will probably stay cool with him if they went their separate ways. And she's the one who broke it off with him, he was a wreck about it! But whatev. Am I right -- is she a little over spastic?

A: Ok, on one hand, I understand that you were "friends first," but on the other hand, I think, "Hoes before bros!" What's so important with this guy (that you're not even dating) that you would risk losing a girlfriend over? Good girlfriends are much harder to come by than male drinking buddies.

I know I once had a messy breakup with a guy that just so happened to direct movies. My girlfriend was an actress, and wanted to know if it was OK if she contacted him when she was out in LA once to just "hang out" and "talk about potential contacts" he might have for her. It made me feel (unjustifiably) jealous, even though I trusted her. I told her I didn't really like it, and she dropped the issue and never brought it up again. Good friend.

I think girlfriends and exes are a volatile mix because you want your girlfriends to always be on "your side," especially when something doesn't end well. Plus, let's face it, no matter how good of girlfriends you are, there's always a bit of jealousy that will always arise.

I'd really take a good, hard look at why you need to be friends with this guy at the price of making your girlfriend uncomfortable. This guy either makes your girl parts tingle, or you're not as good of friends with this girl as you think, because her feelings aren't really weighing in on your decisions right now.

Last option -- just keep your encounters with this "guy friend" on the DL. Why does your girlfriend need to know that you were at the same place at the same time and did a saki bomber together? If you're confident you're not doing anything wrong, then keep it to yourself and she can go on with blissful ignorance. ~ Flirtini