BDS - A blessing and a curse.

I’ve been lucky enough to win the dick lottery on occasion.

One time, I hit the mother f’ing jackpot and started dating a man who had a penis the size of a small commercial jet liner.

I soon learned that the women who say “Size doesn’t matter,” have never had a big one before.

Oh, my friends, size matters. And I wish upon you all at least once chance in your life to understand this firsthand.

However, as I basked in my good dick fortune, it soon became apparent that my new obscenely well-endowed boyfriend was well aware of the golden ticket in his pants.

And a few months later, as he gave me a speech about how he “couldn’t cut himself off from other situations, romantically” (we were in different cities), I knew what that meant.

There was a line waiting to get into the big dick hotel, and I had overstayed my welcome.

This type of over-inflated-sense-of-importance based on peen size would come to be known amongst my friends and I as BDS, or Big Dick Syndrome.

The signs of BDS include:
• Typically over 30, old enough that enough women have fainted over sight of enormous penis that ego has been adequately, uh, stroked
• Blackberry is permanently attached to hand to answer booty calls day or night (though this will be under the guise of “very important business”)
• Magnum condoms not stored in nightstand, but left on top of dining room table, sometimes on silver platter
• Says “You’re welcome” every time undressing occurs, be this for sex, shower, or just to change pants, regardless of whether or not anyone is within earshot
• An inability to not flirt with anything female, though will call this “just having a lot of friends”
• Eagerness to remind you that you are “one damn lucky girl” during any momentary lapse of silence in conversation
• Hero worship of all thing phallic – oblong floor lamps, cucumbers, his own image in a mirror when arms are pressed tightly to sides

While not all well-endowed men will posses BDS, for those who do it is unfortunately a permanent and irreversible syndrome. Their ego has been so built up by women over the years that the attention gathered from dropping trou is an addiction that must be constantly fed.

Men with BDS will most likely drive you the point of insanity, first making you obsessed with sex in a nymphomaniac-like way you never knew was in you, then dropping you like a herpes-infested porn star, then not-so-accidentally running into you at ever social gathering you can imagine with a new Heidi-klum-lookalike on their arm to reiterate your insufficiency.

Good luck and godspeed with that one. ~ Flirtini