It's OK to have a list. (And not just for groceries.)

Q: "How do I know if I have realistic expectations of 'the one?'"

A: First off, let’s just say I’m not entirely sold on there being just one. Hopefully you’ll find more than one good one out there, or the world is really fucking unbalanced.

However, you only marry one person (at a time), so in that respect, I guess those of us who have that as an end goal are looking for “the one.”

And, even though I’m not entirely sold on the idea of marriage just yet, I do heart monogamy, so I’m looking for “one” who will be enough for me to give up “the others.”

Personally, I know I have a slightly unrealistic idea of what that one should be.

• Taller than me, but not what one would describe as “tall.” Just tall enough so that with my 3” stilettos, I can about look him in the eye.
• A fit body with great arms and abs, but not in a beefy muscular jockish kind of way.
• Undeniably confident, but not cocky.
• Completley suave, 007-style ... but also a little dorky.
• A good dresser, but not a better dresser than me.
• Makes me laugh all the time ... but doesn’t laugh at his own jokes.
• Super intelligent, but not in a snobby TV-is-the-antichrist way.
• Reads books (comic books don’t count).
• Well-endowed, but not so much so that he suffers from BDS (see previous post).
• Gives me all the freedom I desire and never gets jealous except on those rare occasions when it’s sort of hot to get jealous (must be able to know exactly when those occasions are).
  

The list could go on.

Will I find all these things conveniently packaged into one man? It's not likely. Have I accepted that? Yes. Does that mean I’m planning to settle for “close enough?” No.

Settling means you just want it to be over. The hunt. “No more!,” you say, and grab the nearest penis-wielding specimen at your next Speed Dating happy hour and convince yourself he’s the perfect fit.

We’ve all known a girl – or guy – who has done this. And we all watch with gritted teeth as they walk down the aisle with the wrong person, a plastic smile plastered on their face. And as soon as the complimentary bottle of champagne has been downed, we all start the pool for the divorce date.

Don’t settle kids. Much like a Croc purchase, you’ll regret it soon enough.

What I’m saying is don’t give up the search until you’ve found the person that fulfills enough of the qualities on your list that the others don’t seem important anymore.

It’s OK to have a list. I know, your therapist told you differently. But I’m saying it’s OK. Just NEVER EVER SHOW IT TO THE PERSON YOU’RE COMPARING TO THE LIST. For the love of baby jesus no.

But let me tell ya, I don’t know much, but I know this – you are not perfect. Neither is he. But when it’s right, those imperfections will turn adorable like fluffy, newborn, eyes-stuck-shut kittens.

Ok, maybe not. But they’ll at least be bearable.

I always tell my girls this – listen to your gut. If you’re wondering if he’s “the one,” there’s no need to. You already know. ~ Flirtini